a sad but sweet day :')

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim...

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Walaupun sibuk hari ni teman rasa nak kongsi jugak cerita hari ni..

hari ni dlm bahasa melayu..sbb rasa 'relax' sikit..haritu stress...tu yg keluar bahasa omputih tu..kuang kuang kuang...

Eh eh..lama plak teman tak tegur en kambing ye...kesian en kambing...bukan ku tidak mengingati dirimu..tapi teman skrg ni tgh biol nak exam tak lama lagi..nanti kita buat study group sama2 dlm kandang en kambing ye...

Hari ni ada sorang uncle cina masuk dlm bilik teman...bilik klinik la ye..karang ada yg salah paham plak...uncle tu dah tua..dah 85 tahun pun...tapi steady lagi...ada darah tinggi skit...tapi yg lain2 semua takde..dia dtg dgn anak dia...senyum manis je uncle tu..fasih berbahasa melayu...

Mula2 tu teman buat consultation mcm biasa..tanya apa khabar...ada makan ubat tak...ada apa2 masalah tak...uncle senyum saja...semua okay katanya....

lepastu teman bukak komputer nak tengok keputusan darah uncle tu...(ye, dkt hukm, laporan ujian darah, x ray, laporan masuk wad terdahulu semuanya masuk dlm sistem komputer, so senang nak trace...yg tahun 2006 pun senang je nak cari...cita2 teman nak buat mcm ni dkt klinik kesihatan nanti insyaAllah...doakan ye)....tengok2 takde...yg last sekali bulan 7 tahun 2011..

teman pun tanya anak uncle tu...'eh, kenapa takde keputusan darah ye?tak sempat ambil ke haritu?'

jawab anaknya...'oh ye...tak sempat nak ambil...mak saya baru meninggal hari tu..'

'Oh ye ke...sorry ye...bila meninggal?'

'Baru 3 minggu lepas.....'

'Ooooo' teman menjeling uncle sekilas...uncle masih lagi tersenyum..lepas tu uncle kata 'Dia mati pun takdak sebab apa2...sakit apa pun takdak...dia tido saja..lepastu tak bangun...terus tido saja'

Teman angguk..dapat rasakan yg uncle masih nak bagitau sesuatu...

Dia masih tersenyum...tapi matanya dah bertukar sayu....Bila uncle diam saja, teman sentuh lututnya...'Uncle okay ke..?'

'Saya banyak ingat sama dia....55 tahun hidup sama...satu kali pun tak pernah gaduh...sekarang rasa byk sunyi....rumah byk orang, tapi byk sunyi....'

teman hanya mampu tersenyum dan mengangguk..

Tiba2 uncle ambil wallet dari poketnya....ditunjuknya teman gambar hitam putih mereka berdua sewaktu muda....'Ini gambar sudah 55 tahun dlm ini wallet...saya tak pernah tarik keluar' ...Air mata uncle sudah mengalir...mata teman pun dah basah...cepat2 teman buat2 tgk komputer...

Sedihnya waktu tu Tuhan saja yg tahu...semestinya sukar utk org tua sepertinya berada dlm kehilangan org tersayang....walaupun teman pasti yg mereka telah pun lama terfikir akan kematian, tetapi bila tiba waktunya..kehilangan itu tetap pahit utk ditelan....

'Sekarang saya pun rasa tak payah dtg klinik lagi...hidup lama2 pun mau buat apa...dulu saya ingat saya mati dulu..saya lagi tua 10 tahun drp dia...'

Ya, org yg ditinggalkan selalunya akan merasai kesedihan yg lebih hebat drp org yg meninggalkan (huhu..kesian sumi san i....i sayang u tau) Teman tak tau nak cakap apa masa tu...jadi teman cuma cakap apa yg ada dlm hati teman ,'Uncle kena kuat, tengok ni..anak2 cucu2 semua sayang sama uncle...semua mau tgk uncle happy...bagus la uncle ingat sama auntie...mesti auntie dulu pun byk happy sama uncle dgn anak2...tapi skrg uncle kena cuba kuatkan hati ye'

teman pun tak tau apa yg teman cakap...yg pasti teman dpt rasa kesedihannya walaupun dlm tempoh beberapa minit uncle berada dlm bilik teman...sampai kecut2 jantung menahan sebak dibuatnya...

hargailah pasangan yg telah ditetapkan oleh Allah buat kita kerana sesungguhnya dialah pasangan terbaik buat kita...dan sesungguhnya mati itu pasti..sejauh mana sedalam mana cinta kita kepada manusia, manusia itu tetap akan mati..dan seandainya cinta itu hanya kepadanya,maka rugilah kita...kerana cinta agung itu tetap milikNya...

p/s: kepada en suami, semoga kita jua dapat menjadi tua bersama2 insyaAllah...bimbinglah isterimu ini hingga ke syurga :')

ideal situation? or not?

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Sbg seorang pelajar masters..we have been trained to answer questions mengikut skema...sometimes we dont even have to stop to think, because we already know the standard answer...for an example..if there is a question about a patient who does not have any symptoms but requested for a full check up including tumour markers, CT scan etc, we know that at the end of the day, our answer will be- to politely decline the request..in fact we even come up with our own scenarios and test ourselves on how to answer it the best way..just so we could go into our 'automatic' mode during the exams and just write the answers without thinking much...coz time is really an issue during exams..

So, i've already been drilled a few times on this rather popular question on a patient who have an acquired physical disability who would like to continue driving. A common scenario would be :

A 40-ish year old lorry driver who have very poor diabetic control complains to you that he has numbness over both of his legs for the past few months.

Well, other than solving his present complain of numbness and trying to achieve better control of his diabetic condition (by denying him practically all types of food that u can think of..hehe), we also have been reminded again and again that he should be referred for a proper driving assessment by the JPJ to see whether or not he is still fit to drive that big lorry. And, if for some reason, the JPJ decides that he is unfit and may impose some liability to the society, he will then be advised to stop driving and we will just assume that he will simply look for another job and settles down happily ever after full stop. And we will insyaAllah at least pass the question with 5/10.

The mind boggling thing is that...things are not as simple in real life.

Two weeks ago, a patient came to me with a form from the social welfare department. He appeared nervous but at the same time determined and i could even sense a bit of...'arrogance' in the way he walked and held his nose high. Looking retrospectively, i think that bit of arrogance that i sensed was perhaps just a shred of pride that he was holding on to while handing me that piece of paper seeking for help that he needed.

He was a 45 year old man with 2 amputated fingers on his right hand due to industrial injury 16 years ago...Since 16 years back, he had never gone to the welfare department requesting for any sort of financial help because he was still able to work in a nearby factory (hard labour which involved carrying heavy things without the need of fine handwork) however, since 6 months back the factory had to shut down and he was left....jobless...

This patient is a regular guy with a family, 5 children..all still schooling....youngest 6 years old...and was in serious need of money when 4 months ago his neighbour offered him to drive his groceries van...and so, he took the offer gladly and Alhamdulillah with that little amount of pay, the family of 7 was still able to breathe, not as comfortably maybe..but enough..

However, thinking that his little ones still have a long way to go, he finally decided that it was time to get some financial aid, which i supported with no hesitations.

The problem that i had while looking at him was however...how do i tell him that the only source of income that he has now; which is driving a van (with 2 amputated fingers if i may add) may jeopardize his own life and the others on the road...how do i tell him that i have to refer him to JPJ for a driving assessment where he runs a risk of getting his licence being revoked by the authorities?? who am i to deny his children food and money to go to school...??

A toughie it was...but thinking of those who may get injured on the road just because i failed to do the right thing when i had the chance to is just unacceptable...so i took a deep breath and told..whatever that needed to be told..i tried to be gentle but firm at the same time..and all the while that i spoke he just looked at me with that sad expression on his face...God, it was tough...

But in the end..he looked down at his shoes and gave me a small nod...he told me that he agreed with whatever that i said...and he understood the risk that he was imposing on to the others on road...and he himself didnt want to be held responsible for injuring others while driving....but he told me he needed time...time to come up with a new plan...to discuss with his wife on how to generate income for the family....i agreed...provided that he does not take too long...okay he said..so we fixed an appointment for him to come back..where i could refer him to the occupational therapist and the JPJ for a proper driving assessment...i pray that the JPJ passes him though...it will be less complicated...but even if he fails the test, hopefully by then he would already have a back up plan insyaAllah...

I suppose that incidence really showed me that life is not like what we learned in the textbooks...and ideal situations may not be easily applied to every single scenario that we go through everyday...it's these litte things in life that make us wiser and prepares us for the next challenge...and when we should never abandon the things that we learn in the textbooks or the standard answers in the exams, we should also also learn on how to make the best out of any situations in life- and that's exactly what i've got to do now :)

Wasallam.